You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
