The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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