I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
