Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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