I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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