My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
