He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
