just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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