this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
