I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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