nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
