i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
