I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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