so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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