I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
