It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
