i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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