Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
