oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
