My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
