i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
