i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize