My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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