HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize