Do you still have your period?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
