i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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