What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
