we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
two words: eviction party
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pants are for mortals
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
