i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
