I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
