Reggie can tackle my bush.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
