if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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