IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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