I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
