I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
