i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
