I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
