I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
