she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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