Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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