I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
