How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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