My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
