i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
