So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
