When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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