i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
