Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
