no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
