Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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