we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
