exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
