My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
