The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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