did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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