The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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