just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
