there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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