Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
