i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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