It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
