Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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