Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
