We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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