I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
