now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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