She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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