We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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