Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
