Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
