Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize