Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize