It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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