On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
